Prison food

Thieves and vagabonds with hellfire and damnation: would you like fries with that?

The world is becoming increasingly topsy-turvy. The economic policy agenda now includes industrial policy, trade restrictions, and even price controls. Whatever happened to Econ 101 of promoting free markets? And, I recently discovered that Crispin McDonal, my disgraced protege and financial wizard, has returned from the dead.

It turns out that he had faked his suicide last year and has now returned seeking redemption. He has set up a restaurant called Apocalypse Now employing ex-prisoners convicted of crimes in the financial sector. So I had to visit and find out more.

His restaurant is dramatic, with flames leaping up the walls and deep, booming music. A large clock stands at one end, set at 1 minute to midnight. Guests are encouraged to confess their sins of excessive consumption in small cubicles to AI Avatars, who grant absolution if they commit to days of fasting. One may think that flagellation is also offered in rooms at the rear of the establishment. I did not look.  Handily, guests remove their shoes at the entrance, which are then taken for resoling and cleaning to be ready for their departure.

The restaurant uses produce foraged from the wild in London parks. This is supplemented by various fungi and vegetables grown hydroponically in a disused tube station. The result is strikingly original and proving very popular with the green finance crowd. 

He initially had problems recruiting ex-cons from the finance sector as, in general, they have been very good at avoiding jail. Certainly, no bankers went to jail for causing the Great Financial Crash. His major success has been employing some of those released after serving sentences for making millions by manipulating Libor interest rates between 2006 and 2010. He hopes that recent early releases to reduce prison overcrowding will provide richer pickings. I suggested, though, that he better keep an eye on the restaurant’s till.

Verity Bastion

Verity is an emeritus professor of economics now living in a retirement apartment with her husband, Thomas, after a distinguished career. She writes a regular column for The Mint on …

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